Love in many colors: Family takes to social media to raise awareness of transracial adoption

Love in many colors: Family takes to social media to raise awareness of transracial adoption Little Elm mom’s viral video helped bring more than 100,000 followers. The Wilder family listens as mom Jeena Wilder goes through their Creole lesson of the day at their home in Little Elm. The family has used its Instagram platform to educate and inform about the challenges and joys of transracial adoption. The Wilder family listens as mom Jeena Wilder goes through their Creole lesson of the day at their home in Little Elm. The family has used its Instagram platform to educate and inform about the challenges and joys of transracial adoption.(Juan Figueroa / Staff Photographer) By Jeremy Hallock 6:00 AM on Sep 29, 2020 A few months after she started sharing her experiences with transracial adoption on Instagram, Jeena Wilder was fed up with some negative comments and intrusive questions. So she responded with the positivity and humor that have earned her more than 100,000 followers — most of them supportive — since April. In a 10-second Instagram video posted on Aug. 26, the Black mom and her 6-year-old white daughter Claridy, whose nickname is White Tiger, recite these hip-hop lyrics: Are you the nanny? ADVERTISING Nope. Are you her mother? Yep. Top teen leaders with Boys & Girls Club of America to be honored virtually at 2020 Southwest Youth of the Year Celebration SPONSORED CONTENT Top teen leaders with Boys & Girls Club of America to be honored virtually at 2020 Southwest... BCGA’s annual Southwest Youth of the Year celebration goes virtual on September 22 to honor teen leaders for their dedication and service. BY Boys and Girls Club of America Did your husband cheat on you? Nope. Does she call you mommy? ADVERTISING Yep. Is she biologically yours? Nope. Do you love her unconditionally? Yep. Adding to the family Jeena and Drue Wilder say that as transracial adoptive parents, they have many of the same concerns as any other adoptive parents. But they also have to educate themselves about their child’s race and culture. Jeena and Drue Wilder say that as transracial adoptive parents, they have many of the same concerns as any other adoptive parents. But they also have to educate themselves about their child’s race and culture.(Juan Figueroa / Staff Photographer) Wilder, who is Haitian, is married to Drue Wilder, who is white. They have three biracial children, a 7-year-old son, Elyjah, and two daughters, Delylah, 6, and Jemymah, 3. Drue grew up with a mother, grandmother and aunt who were all adopted. Throughout their eight-year marriage, they had always planned to adopt a child. Four years ago, they began the process of adopting White Tiger, which became official in October 2019. Jeena started sharing her family’s story shortly after they moved from the Atlanta area to Little Elm, hoping to spread awareness about biracial families and transracial adoption. She also wanted to meet other transracial adoptive parents. She has encountered obstacles along that path. Once she posted a screen shot from another Instagram user: “Black women have raised enough white children.” A month earlier, Wilder had posted a photo with White Tiger holding a sign that says, “Yes, she is my daughter.” “I thought maybe it could be a place to send people who ask me ridiculous questions,” Wilder says. “And I wouldn’t have to repeat myself every single time.” The biggest impact, by far, has been the video that went viral, she says. Rhonda M. Roorda, an author of four books on transracial adoption, says that Jeena has unique challenges as a Black mother of a white child. She noted that most interracial adoptions occur with white parents adopting Black and biracial children. Still, “the research shows that love is enough for these kids to adapt into their families,” says Roorda, who was a Black child adopted into a white family. The Wilders say that as transracial adoptive parents, they have many of the same concerns as any other adoptive parents. But they also have to educate themselves about their child’s race and culture. People of different races can also have different physical needs. For example, it took Jeena months to figure out how to do White Tiger’s hair. They say it is also important for transracial adoptive parents to be prepared to have frequent discussions about race and to surround their children with diversity. “I do think people that do transracial adoptions have to be more aware of how that affects them socially, and how it affects the child socially as well,” Drue says. For instance, shortly after the family relocated to North Texas, a woman asked Jeena if the four children were hers as they were walking out in public. After Jeena’s positive response, the woman continued. “Even this one,” pointing at White Tiger. The incident sparked Jeena’s move to Instagram to try to promote awareness. “I needed a way to express some of the issues I was having,” she says. “And I was trying to grasp if we were a true transracial adoption. She has a white dad, and she has siblings that are biracial. But she is being brought up by a Black mom, so it is a transracial adoption. I just needed to make sure that I had enough knowledge about it and the good and the bad that comes with it.” Jeena Wilder laughs as her 6-year-old daughter, Claridy (right), stares at the camera. The family adopted Claridy, whose nickname is White Tiger, in October 2019. Jeena Wilder laughs as her 6-year-old daughter, Claridy (right), stares at the camera. The family adopted Claridy, whose nickname is White Tiger, in October 2019.(Juan Figueroa / Staff Photographer) Early struggles The first year, in particular, was hard. White Tiger suffered from the trauma of being separated from her biological parents, who could no longer care for her, according to the Wilders. From North Dakota, White Tiger had rarely if ever seen a Black person before she had a Black mom. “She would really break down,” Drue says. “When you have a young child that is born with you, you know their likes, dislikes and personalities. You know what you’ve taught them, and they know what to expect from you. She was thrown in the mix, and it was difficult for her to express herself.” “It was super disruptive for her stability,” he adds. “We couldn’t leave her, so we didn’t do any date nights. She would really break down if she thought we were leaving and thought we wouldn’t come back.” But things gradually improved, and they describe their last year with White Tiger as the best yet. The issue of skin color “is part of the life we live,” Drue says, “and it just comes up more naturally: ‘Dad, I notice you’re white and mom’s dark. Am I going to be as dark as mom one day?’ That kind of thing.” The important thing is the conversation, he says. “We basically sit down with the kids and say, ‘Look, we’re all different colors.’ And each of the kids are a different color.” Drue Wilder plays "robot" with his children at their home in Little Elm. Drue Wilder plays "robot" with his children at their home in Little Elm.(Juan Figueroa / Staff Photographer) “There are a lot of things I have to explain to my children,” Jeena says. “They are both Black and white, not just one. But there might be people who look at them and label them as Black. We don’t look like the traditional 1950s family. We don’t match.” Drue and Jeena choose to focus on the joy rather than the struggle. “There is a beauty in a family of different races who sees color and is able to appreciate it and celebrate it,” Jeena says. Resources For more information about transracial adoptions, these internet resources, social media groups and publications offer valuable perspectives. Facebook: Transracial Adoption Perspectives Books: A quartet of books by Rhonda M. Roorda and Rita J. Simon explore transracial adoption through an overview book by Roorda, In Their Voices; and three other books by the two authors, In Their Own Voices, In Their Parents' Voices and In Their Siblings' Voices. I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla by Marguerite White is another useful book. To watch the video Instagram: Jeenawilder Jeremy Hallock, Special Contributor. Jeremy Hallock is a Dallas freelance writer